ABSTRACT
The ways in which love’s shining light turns dark are many. We may feel abandoned and lost to careless forces that seem beyond our will or control, as the one we love or want to be loved by leaves us. We may want to give ourselves over to the healing power of love but find our hearts are too constricted to move. Forces beyond one’s control are usually not the cause of love’s disappointments, frustrations, and pains. But love’s pains and hurts are much more complex than our feelings of victimization would lead us to believe. As part of our love training, we are taught to fear the shadows in love’s dark side—the aspects of relationships that we think will impede love or destroy it altogether. Psychoanalyst Theodor Reik noted that one of the primary reasons people came to him for help was the enormous guilt they felt when they realized how “abnormally” much they hated those they loved.
