ABSTRACT
This chapter looks at the impact of parental separation and conflict on children of different ages, how children’s age and understanding shape their understanding of these events. Children often blame themselves for the break-up of family life, or hold on to a fantasy that their parents will reunite, to reduce their sense of loss and feelings of damage. Key aspects of psychotherapy with children of separated parents are considered. The importance of an alliance with the separated parents to support the therapeutic work with the child, asking them to reduce their open conflict and encouraging them to agree on a plan for their children’s needs. Research into the impact on parents of long-standing bitter marital disputes shows that many parents feel caught up in a process that they acknowledge has a damaging effect on their children. Therapeutic work with two troubled children of divorced parents is discussed. Although the parents of each were still in conflict, they supported the therapy and recognised their children felt responsible for the family breakdown. In psychotherapy, the young people were gradually able to work through their feelings of loss, anger and self-blame, and recover a sense of self-worth and hope for their future.
