ABSTRACT
Queer critics warned about the normalizing, de-politicizing impact that same-sex marriage would have within LGBQ communities, but more than a decade after it became legal in the United States we still know little about if, and how, this occurs. Drawing on interviews with 116 married and unmarried LGBQ individuals, this study offers some of the first systematic data on the topic. I focus on the experiences of LGBQ people who were critical of marriage, and I examine the processes through which having access to it suppressed and softened their views. I show how an “etiquette” mechanism suppressed dialogue and debate by making public critiques of marriage seem like personal criticisms of people’s decisions, and therefore less socially appropriate. An “emotion” mechanism also softened once-critical LGBQ people by shifting their focus away from intellectual, theoretical perspectives on marriage, toward emotional, experiential reactions to it. Additionally, an “emulation” mechanism changed their personal desires, as they became surrounded by easier and more prestigious relationship models. Together, the findings demonstrate how cultural scripts about the private, individualized nature of marriage contribute to de-politicization, and underscore the scope of marriage as a normalizing institution to impact even those who imagine themselves beyond its influence.
