ABSTRACT
The existing discourse on “otherness” approaches the concept and the process of “"othering” as devaluing and alienating the “other” based on perceived differences for the purpose of saving the self and its intrinsic value or preserving a social order of domination and submission. The current chapterattempts to look at”otherness” from a different angle, namely, the need to idealize the other, even at the price of distorting reality, in order to preserve the self and its need for security. The chapterargues that our need for an idealized other, specifically, a caretaking parental figure, is so profound that if we do not experience nurturing figures in our “real” life relationships, we invent them in our minds or distort their real attributes. Because the most convenient way of heightening the feeling of safety is through the modification and control of perception, the real rejecting, abandoning, or unavailable mother or father isneglected in favor of a phantasmic, idealized one whose image iscolored by wish fulfillment—an omnipotent and omniscient figure who provides unconditional, everlasting care and gives comfort. We then become attached to these internal images that our fantasy created. To illustrate this thesis the chapterreviews the universal portrayal of maternal archetypes in Greco-Roman and Judeo-Christian myths depicting maternal feminine imagoes; as well as the concept of God in psychoanalytic literature. The Greek mythological images of Gaia, Rhea, and Demeter, as well as the Judeo portrayal of the Shechinah and the Christian characterization of the Virgin Mary are discussed in this context. The chapteralso draws from psychoanalytic and attachment theories to explain this phenomenon, particularly on Bowlby, Fairbairn, and Fromm. The discussion focuses on Fromm’s suggestion that the everlasting longing to be cared for and protected like a young child is at the heart of personality organization. The pre-Oedipal attachment to the mother and the yearning for what he called “paradisiacal bliss”—a symbiotic relatedness to a loving mother who makes one feel safe and secure—is always threatening one’s independent existence and is the cause of developmental arrests. Much of normal behavior, as well as many clinical phenomena, such as those observed in neurosis, psychosis, and addiction, can be understood as the ego’s attempts to preserve a sense of safety. Mary Main’s findings on idealized internal parental representation arealso be discussed in this context. Clinical and pop culture illustrations arebe elaborated upon as examples of this psychological phenomenon.
