ABSTRACT
Living with a chronic fear of loss of love, affection or respect from key people in their lives can for some people mean being locked in a perpetual search for proof and evidence. This involves being hypervigilant to all manner of 'signs' as to whether they really matter to the people who really matter to them. The person who lives with this fear can move from heights of total bliss to the depths of despair according to their perceptions. If they get a proof of love or affection they can feel on top of the world. If they don't, or if they see a 'sign' that they think must mean the other person is going off them, or they don’t matter to them anymore, they can be in agony. (The reality may of course be that the other person is just a bit preoccupied at the time.) Any little incident, such as an angry expression, a sigh or a look away can be interpreted as a sign that the other person’s interest in them is waning. It may therefore feel unbearable if the other person reads the newspaper instead of talking to them, doesn’t properly acknowledge them, or yawns when they are saying something important. Furthermore, when a loved one is emotionally or physically distant for a period of time, they may fear that things will stay like this forever, or they'll never get close again. Therefore, the inevitable rather dull and ordinary patches of relationship life can bring acute anxiety. For some people it can also mean that whatever ‘proofs of love' they do get, these are never enough. This may lead to all manner of accusations (spoken or unspoken) about scarcity: ‘You never give me enough time/compliments/love.’
