ABSTRACT

This chapter explores the constraints reality imposes on safety and value goal pursuits. Despite a rockier start, Arya ultimately experienced a happier fate than Skyler because the goals Arya prioritized proved to be a much better fit to the reality of her partner and relationship. The chapter discusses how the reality constraints imposed by the situation, partner, and relationship control whether the perceiver's active goal pursuits satisfy or frustrate basic goals for safety and value and ultimately satiate or frustrate belongingness goals. It argues that relationship life is more likely to satisfy these three interconnected goals when perceivers match current goal pursuits to the goal affordances created by the partner they chose and the relationship they inhabit. The chapter reiterates how the reality of specific situations affords particular goal pursuits over others. It describes how relationship realities differ because partner preferences, interests, and personalities combine to create each relationship's unique situational terrain.