ABSTRACT
At presentations, I often begin by projecting this image on the
screen. “What’s interesting about this card?” I ask. Bereaved siblings
are the first to notice. “Mother, Father, Husband, Wife, Spouse,
Significant Other, Son, Daughter, Grandmother, Grandfather,
Friend, other . . .” are all mentioned. Siblings are not. When I explain
that this memorial card was passed out at the 2008, 2009, and 2010
Association for Death Education and Counseling (ADEC) con-
ferences, events designed to attract experts in the field, the audience
often falls silent. This visual tells the story so well. Siblings (we)
are simply not on the card-of experts, friends, family, or society
at large. And this lack of acknowledgment, felt from the moment
after death, begins a cycle of what I’ve come to call “silencing.” It
is noticeable in the early days when support is focused on other
family members and continues as conversations about our deceased
siblings are quickly dismissed and avoided among friends. Lastly,
it’s there when we want to share happy stories and others find it
too difficult to listen.
