ABSTRACT
We live in a world of competition, where importance is given to success, a good salary, efficiency, distractions, and stimulations. Our world, however, needs to rediscover what is essential: Committed relationships, openness and the acceptance of weakness, a life of friendship and solidarity in and through the little things we can do. It is not a question of doing extraordinary things, but rather of doing ordinary things with love.—Jean Vanier1
Introduction
Rain fell softly as I made my way up to the apartment door. A sharp knock was quickly answered and I entered to find a small living room. The interview participant was a diminutive woman of middle-age with thick glasses perched low on her nose. In our pleasantries she was entirely pedestrian, extending well practiced courtesy. She reminded me of a librarian-whimsically preoccupied in manner and business. Tea appeared from the kitchen, a long-haired cat curled up on the couch and the rain quietly hissed against the windows. I moved through my standard interview preamble, reviewing research goals and issues of informed consent. We began with open-ended questions regarding her personality, relationships, and spirituality. Not five minutes into the encounter it was clear that I was sitting with an individual of profound, exemplary capacity for agapé.2 Through her years of experience as a caregiver assistant to the developmentally disabled, Katherine came to possess a remarkable understanding of compassionate love. Her reflections were characterized by an earthbound pragmatism nurtured through encounters with diverse individuals and situations. Above all, Katherine expounded an agapé of theological vitality fueled by her experience in Christian residential communities known as L’Arche:
I’ll tell you a turning point in terms of my understanding of God and L’Arche. I was seeing the gifts of the [disabled] core members and how I was beginning to receive a lot more than I was giving. When I got to Paso Robles things were rough and I had to live in the house
1 This quote is taken from unpublished letters of Jean Vanier to the L’Arche communities of Canada. The full context of his remarks can be found at www.larchecanada.org/jeanlet1.htm
2 An excellent definitional summary of agapé can be found in Stephen Post, “The Tradition of Agapé,” in Altruism and Altruistic Love: Science, Philosophy, and Religion in Dialogue, eds. Stephen Post, Lynn Underwood, Jeffrey Schloss, and William Hurlbut Agape is altruistic
because we were so short of [caregiver] assistants. It was very difficult. One of the core members there was named Trent. He is blind and dual diagnosed. He was in an institution all his life, since a year old. I had this real love for Trent-a connection with him. I could calm him down, I enjoyed him. One night I was giving him his bath and I was drying off his back. He says, ‘you’re my friend, right?’ I stopped for a minute. What occurred to me is how many people had bathed this man, strangers. How many people didn’t see this sacred life in front of them, just wanted to get the job done. How many times he had to put up with that. What he’s really saying is can I trust you? Are you safe? Are you my friend? It occurred to me that this man probably lived through hell. Abuse. People being incredibly insensitive to him. And yet he can love. He can still trust. I could never ask somebody to be my friend. I realized that I was in a transformative moment, knowing that I’m more broken than Trent. I could not be this vulnerable. I thought that I was being authentic but realized he was teaching me something that I hadn’t learned. God was really present in that moment. That is when I could say that I didn’t choose L’Arche but L’Arche has chosen me. That’s our spirituality.3
