chapter  11
14 Pages

Golf and the Cunning Plan

God created golf, but the Devil spoiled its perfection by letting women and Japanese tourists fi nd out about it. Sex, free dinners at Langan’s and other ephemeral pleasures, the hard-wiring of the brain, Darwin and Freud, divisions between the conscious and subconscious, memory and imagination and all that other stuff evolved so that people could play golf. Wars, rebellions and terrorism are caused not by the reasons widely believed but simply because the combatants have been denied access to God’s verdant links and deprived of Scotty Cameron putters. In a thousand years’ time we will all look like Tiger Woods and be perfect golfi ng machines. People who don’t play golf will be atrophied to be reborn as gerbils. This is what it’s all about.