chapter  3
17 Pages

Treating habits kindly

Session three: untangling desires and patterns
WithErik van den Brink, Frits Koster, Victoria Norton

This chapter explores more inner landscapes, beginning with a landscape related to the drive system. If we learn to see the world as a place full of sticks that can harm us, we easily develop a threat mode. Another common pattern is the competition mode, which commonly develops when we learn to perceive the world as a place full of desirable carrots. The competition mode is continually being fed in the modern Western culture with its emphasis on individuality and the pressure to prove oneselves. But if self-esteem becomes a goal in itself and is dependent on approval of others, it will be difficult to feel at ease, as the threat mode will kick in easily. The chapter also explores how we can mindfully and compassionately deal with desires and inner patterns. Three basic patterns are explored in more detail: threat mode, competition mode and caring mode.