ABSTRACT
This chapter argues that most divorced people have unhelpful patterns of communication prior to the divorce, that these patterns may have led in part to the divorce, and that they likely are continuing into the co-parenting relationship. After divorce most partners develop their own lives, move on to new relationships, and often have new families, new jobs, and new schedules. Divorced men and women may be transitioning to the workplace for the first time in years after being the primary caretakers of the children. As a matter of fact, when divorced people come to co-parenting counseling they usually cite a lack of communication as their primary reason for coming. Parents who co-parent need to know that the end game is not who wins the child's loyalty. Co-parents need to know that they are not in a competition for the child's loyalty and love. Practicing pay-off may also give the child a false sense of power.
