ABSTRACT
In spite of everything, I’ve been incredibly lucky. I can say that on account of how I’m still alive. A staggering 46% of trans men attempt suicide. I’m one of them, but it never took. Things might have been different had I been bullied, harassed, verbally attacked by my family, or had I experienced more frequent or more severe discrimination. But I was already an adult when I started consciously questioning my gender. I had supportive friends and spouse, my family checked out of my life rather than attacking, and my stealth game was strong. Also no one tried to murder me. Like I said: lucky. As my identity evolved, I was faced with new and difficult challenges, but I learned to avoid the ones I could and adapt to the ones I could not. I was seldom able to predict them ahead of time, however, and several times found myself in unfortunate circumstances. As an autistic person, I already had difficulty navigating institutional settings. Unspoken rules of conduct and unconscious social norms were particularly challenging, but I learned from my mistakes. I learned to conceal my authentic identity from institutions, and when that became unbearable, I learned to choose my battles and thicken my skin. Too many others do not share my privilege and luck; thus, it is critical to examine the ways in which institutions systemically attempt to regulate our bodies and identities, so we might mitigate the deleterious effects on less fortunate marginalized individuals.
