ABSTRACT
Do we wait for relatives to request an interview? Or do we routinely ask for one? Most relatives are very considerate and reasonable, but: • some feel that they should not have to ask, but should be automatically invited • others may object to being asked when they have not requested it. All this may be tied up with emotional ambivalence, anger and guilt, especially when the relative is the son or daughter of an elderly patient who lives alone.It is also not so uncommon for relatives to prefer not to see a doctor if they think that all they get will be bad news, destroying all hope. And some, though they might not admit it, are not really sure whether or not they want information of any kind. Then ‘floating anger’ (see Chapter 12) may cause them to complain later that they were not fully informed, when this was at least partly of their own choosing. So staff sometimes have a feeling that they can’t win. But no doctor or nurse must mind if criticized first for one thing, then for the opposite.If requested to attend for interview, some relatives become alarmed, fearing that this may mean very bad news. To avoid this, it may be best for whoever arranges the interview: • to stress that, in this unit, to see the relatives is a routine matter (or perhaps ‘Doctor X likes to see all relatives’) • to stress that in this case the medical staff would like to exchange information and to hear the relative’s views (or perhaps ‘Doctor Y would like to meet you and have a chat - he’d like to know what you think’). Most of the public - and most nursing staff - feel that, in general, it’s best that serious bad news should come from medical, rather than nursing, staff.
