Transformations in thirdness

This Chapter is divided into separate parts, the first emphasizing developmental theory in light of the Third; the second, the clinical theory that is associated with it. My original reflections for this Chapter, “You’ve Come a Long Way Baby,” given at IARPP in 2011, considered how the study of infancy, in particular the mother-infant relationship, led to an intersubjective psychoanalysis in which mutuality or mutual recognition plays a central role. So it was necessary to return to another point of origin in my theorizing: intersubjectivity as seen from the vantage point of recognizing women’s, specifically mother’s, subjectivity. This was a perspective that could evolve only through the co-incidence of feminism with intersubjective theory. Originally, I asked: If it is important for a mother to recognize her infant’s subjectivity—that is, as another I rather than simply an It—how does anyone develop this capacity?

This question guided the moves I made in The Bonds of Love (Benjamin, 1988), weaving the problem of recognition of women as subjects together with the evolving theory of intersubjectivity, as grounded in both psychoanalysis and infancy studies. The point of this move was to open psychoanalytic thought to the complexity of how we come to recognize the Other, to grasp the reciprocal action of two subjects knowing and being known, affecting and being affected, and thus to confront the problems attendant upon that bi-directionality. ¹

The first part of this chapter presents the different ways of thinking about the Third as a position and a function, with its aspects of rhythmicity and differentiation. It is an expansion of Chapter 1, “Beyond Doer and Done To” and attempts to show the relationship between affect regulation and recognition. My original categories “Third in the One” and “One in the Third” are further explained as well as the importance of establishing a sense of the “lawful world,” a metaphor for the moral Third. I also suggest the expression “our Third” as a personal experience of intersubjective connection.

72The second part, the discussion of clinical consequences and how we work with our own subjectivity, our vulnerability as analysts, illustrating the way in which we combine our understanding of affect regulation and recognition in our clinical work, use acknowledgment and our own vulnerability to create the moral Third. I also discuss further the idea of surrender in motherhood and in analysis, considering the consequences of elevating responsibility for the Other in Levinas’ sense over our need for reciprocity and our desire for mutual recognition.