ABSTRACT
Traditional monogamous relationships have one seeming advantage when it comes to agreements, boundaries, and rules: Supposedly everyone already knows what to do. Those who espouse values of consensual nonmonogamy (CNM), or who simply love more than one person honestly, may be able to have successful, responsible relationships without much negotiation of agreements. For many, however, giving up the assumed rules of monogamy without espousing other guidelines creates a loosely defined free-for-all and may be a recipe for disaster. Living in a CNM partnership requires clarity, communication, and creativity to form workable agreements, including whatever boundaries or rules may be needed. Those in CNM relationships may be no more gifted at awareness, communication, or creating clear agreements than anyone else. Each of the following ways are discussed in which therapists may need to help: Clarify agreements, rules, or boundaries that are in place; sort problems with agreements, rules, or boundaries vs. problems with individuals’ personal issues; work with each individual to provide support and resolve personal issues; help redefine and fine-tune agreements; facilitate clear discussion and teach communication skills; review in repeated sessions until consistent success with arrangements is experienced. Case examples include couples in expanded monogamy and polyamorous partners.
