ABSTRACT
The topics in this chapter are matters often taken for granted in monogamy but involve focused communication and negotiation in CNM. How much is too much information (TMI)? Honesty is a core value of consensual nonmonogamy, so what partners tell each other is of paramount importance to making CNM relationships work. Some partners want to know as much as possible about their partners’ other partners and what they all do together; others want to know as little as possible. What works for any set of partners must be figured out and may need addressing in therapy. Because consequences can be serious, whether to be open about being open is a disclosure issue important for clinicians to understand. Risks, stressors, and benefits of “coming out poly” are discussed. Hiding open or multiple partnerships in public may be safer but can cause hurt feelings and requires effective and compassionate communication among partners. Many stressors result from keeping important secrets, such as sexual orientation and alternative lifeways or lovestyles, for which CNM partners may seek clinical support. Case examples include expanded monogamy and polyamorous partners.
