Introduction

I thought no more of him and spent my vacations with my peers. My grandparents were also getting older, and my grandfather died as I started university. His death did not really affect me, so I forgot him completely. He was no longer a part of my life. During my studies and later at work he lost his meaning for me. Only the care of the therapist activated these mental images and mem­ ories in the implicit memory. It could have been someone else, but it was through him. Suddenly, my maternal grandfather was before me as a mental image; but not only that, the activated memories brought a new understanding with them. This mental image of my grandfather had an expansive effect on my thinking, perceptions and feelings, as due to this something changed in the depths of my being. I am grateful to the thera­ pist that he awoke this memory. It was something I had already experi­ enced, but had forgotten. The Jungian Jean Knox speaks of diverse self­ interests that result according to the experience of the self with people and the subsequent internalization of these relationship patterns. She says: ‘There is no unifying centre of consciousness or the uncon­ scious, but diverse selves each of which may become the focus depend­ ing on the context’ (Knox, 2012, p. 455). I also suspect that I experienced with my grandfather moments of meeting in accordance with the psychoanalyst Daniel Stern (Stern, 2004); moments that were full of meaning for me and influenced my perceptions, thoughts, actions and feelings in a new way. I do not think this is only pos­ sible through grandparents. Moments of meeting are possible with anyone, assuming that the conditions arise for them. I also suspect that I saw him as a wise old man, simply because he stood above the matter, no longer had to work, had time and was much older than my parents. A generation takes on average 30 years, so grandparents are on average 60 years older than the grandchild. This period cannot be under­ stood as a child; it is beyond the child’s conception of time. Grandparents are the parents of the parents. This gives them more power, sometimes even magical powers for young children who are still at the magical age. They have experienced more than the parents; they are often no longer working, but are on their ‘long vacation’; they no longer have to deal with the conflicts that arise in everyday life, at work and in the raising of children. That was the case for me. While my mother was busy with five children, and my father with his business, he had time. In many studies of grandparents, this is mentioned again and again: they have time. But not only my grandfather was important for me. When I told my colleagues about my book project, I surprisingly often heard the phrase ‘I

am also a grandfather­ child’, ‘My grandmother was central in my life’, and similar expressions. In my practice as a Jungian analyst I started some time ago, by anamneses, to include the grandparent level, and asked my clients about their relationships with them. Since everyone has grand­ parents, memories, mental images or fantasized notions of grandparents always exist and exert a more or less strong effect, which can flow into the psychotherapy and analysis. This book is therefore devoted to the relationship between grandparent and grandchild, and it investigates the question of what constitutes the special in this relationship. It is no coincidence that there are many descriptions of this relationship in fairy tales, legends, myths and epics (see Chapter 3). In these narratives, archetypal images and symbols are mentioned which are attributed to the grandparents as the ‘wise old woman’, the ‘wicked witch’, the ‘old wizard’ or the ‘wise old man’. Since this book is written with a Jungian perspective according to the analytical psychology of C.G. Jung, first the current state of research and the mentioned archetypes are defined (Chapter 1): can one define arche­ types through biological, cultural, developmental psychology or ontologi­ cally? The present discussion, as it takes place mainly in the English­ speaking world, is explained here. The individual can experience the archetype only as archetypal images or symbols (Chapter 2) who appear in cultural products such as the fairy tale (the ‘witch’, for example). Depending on the environmental situation, such archetypal image may emerge in relevant experiences with grandparents. Memories of grandmothers who were remembered as a ‘wise old woman’ or experi­ enced as a ‘witch’ can be stored in the implicit memory as meaningful and are activated depending on the situation. In another chapter a closer look is taken at these storage processes in implicit memory. Several models are made available in the research liter­ ature. On the one hand, the concept of ‘inner working models’ (Bowlby) is mentioned – which contains representative information on patterns of rela­ tionship and caregivers; on the other hand, the Jungian concept of the theme ‘complex’ will be addressed. Just as there is a mother complex, infe­ riority complex or an authority complex, the grandparent complex can also arise when dealing with grandparents. Important in this context are the studies by Daniel Stern (2000, 2004) and his research group, which indi­ cate the importance of the presence of moments and the intersubjective phenomena, in which the inner working models or complexes can regroup. How this happens will be described in another chapter. Based on a story and a tale of a grandchild with a grandparent (‘Heidi’ and ‘Red

Riding Hood’) it will be shown how a present moment can arise that acti­ vates the inner working models or complexes (Chapter 5). The parties develop, according to this specific moment, in a completely different dir­ ection, so we speak here of an archetypal present moment. In Chapter 6, a digression on the current importance of the grandparent-grandchild relationship is offered. The literature about the grandparent-grandchild relationship has grown rapidly in recent years. Attempts are being made to present the reasons from a social scientific perspective and to provide outlines of the meaning of grandparents’ developmental psychology. A large part of this book is the clinical section, with case studies in which a client, as a grandchild, has either a real or imagined relationship with a grandmother or grandfather. I am grateful that my clients have given their consent for the publication of case histories that have been anonymized. Since the issue involves a multi­ generational perspective, the issue of intergenerational transmission of trauma will inevitably be affected and therefore included in the analysis. The therapeutic approach in turn is based on an intersubjective approach as it is currently being dis­ cussed among Jungians and psychoanalysts (Chapter 7) and detailed in the case histories (Chapter 8). The book ends with a chapter about the paternal grandfather of C.G. Jung, who had – although unknown to him – a strong influence on him. It can be assumed that the relationship with the grandparents is subject to change. At the beginning of life they are important and inter­ esting; at some point they lose their meaning, which is not only reflected in surveys in client stories, but also in the fairy tale. (The rela­ tionship of a grandchild to a grandparent is given more weight in this book, for the simple reason that more grandchildren than grandparents receive therapy.) If grandparents played an important and positive role in childhood, they are not necessarily seen by the parents as positive. Frequently, the relationship is described as negative. This is an interesting finding. People seem to be more peaceful, sociable and relaxed when they get to a grand­ parent’s age. This has prompted sociologist Peter Gross (2013) to pro­ claim the demographic as ‘calm, contemplative, peaceful and sustainable societies’, partly because life expectancy and the numbers in the ageing population have risen. He is not the only one who speaks of the peace potential of the grandparents’ generation and their therapeutic corrective effect on society. If you listen to the client, many would likely agree in the light of their childhood memories.