ABSTRACT
The lyrics of the Frank Sinatra love song, ‘Fly Me to Moon’, speak to the feeling/hope that true love can take us into the stratosphere. As mentioned in the last chapter, a relationship can often serve as a catalyst for leaving home – maybe not in travelling as far away as those wishful lyrics imply, but help in leaving nevertheless. Couples I have seen in their twenties, thirties and forties often seem still to be in what Mahler referred to as the practising sub-phase together – encountering quite serious issues of separation from their parents, sometimes more evident in one partner than the other. Forming the partnership – moving in together, or getting married – may have constituted a more or less sanctioned way out, one of many attempts to leave depressed, ill, controlling, overly ‘loving’ or abusive parents. It is a relief at first to establish a new home – sometimes far away geographically – and even a new family. For some individuals, marrying outside their religion or interracially feels or looks like a significant individuation, as mentioned in the last chapter. In an attempt to facilitate women’s independence, the Women’s Liberation Movement of the 1970s encouraged women to take a stand about retaining their surnames when they marry. Keeping the family/father’s name was seen as a sign of independence from the husband; however, this practice can actually tie women back to their family of origin and to their childhood, and can be seen as a way of not leaving home. Taking these external factors into account, when couples decide to marry, unless internal issues of separation
have been or are being worked through, the relationship may flounder – and sometimes fail.
