ABSTRACT
Whatever the issues, when a couple seeks therapy, they are at an impasse and what they are looking for is change. Yet, whether the couple’s presenting problem is said to be emotional or sexual both aspects of their life together are inextricably intertwined. When partners have emotional difficulties, their sex life will suffer or may be the primary factor. When they have sexual difficulties, their emotional connection may be the underlying factor. Whether a therapist identifies as predominantly a couples therapist or a sex therapist the author calls on therapists in both specializations to be prepared to address the interconnections between sexual development and attachment. The earliest stage of body-to-body intimacy is the quality of presence in the nonverbal interactions between mother and infant in the earliest days, weeks, and months of life. These exchanges begin the programming of the emotional right brain of the infant through eye contact, touch, facial expression, and vocal tones. A couple’s emotional connection and sexual desire are also communicated in the same way, primarily nonverbally through body-to-body interactions. When partners sit face-to-face during therapy, and not just side-by-side, and attend to their subtle interactions, sessions go deeper to resolve the relational and sexual issues between partners. Deeper work may repair early deficits of insecure attachments, enabling each partner to become more emotionally and sexually secure and more open to intimate pleasures. The chapter includes process descriptions of vignettes from therapy.
