ABSTRACT
When I teach about the empty depression phase at workshops, I show a picture here of a hugely muscled wrestler-type man who has burst into tears. No matter what a person looks like on the outside, this is what it feels like on the inside to have been a victim of chronic and complex abuse. No matter the armor, the physique, the style, or social class, no matter all the surface defensive presentations, if a person is abused as a child, not loved enough, not protected, not provided secure attachment, it makes them sad. And scared. The core experiences of not being securely attached are fear, sadness, and shame, sometimes to the point of splitting an identity that has already been forming, or of preventing the coalescing of an identity in formation. Underneath it all, boiling it down to the core, chronic-trauma clients are full of grief and pain—and rage, which is the subject of the next chapter.
