ABSTRACT
Consider the following scenario in which Chris, Natalie and Kitty talk about their lives and their non-orthodox views on monogamy and nonmonogamy in a documentary titled Polyamory, produced by Simon Anderson as his Journalism Major Project at the University of Technology in Sydney (Anderson 2012).
Chris, Kitty and Natalie, all in their 20s, all based in West Sydney, form a polyamorous relationship. They are in two interconnected couple relationships – a ‘hinge relationship’ (also often referred to as a V relationship) – in which Chris maintains a loving erotic relationship with both Natalie and Kitty, but Kitty and Natalie are not lovers with each other. However, according to the understanding of all partners, everyone is allowed to enter equally committed relationships elsewhere. Kitty and Chris are both involved with a woman called Selena, who does not currently reside in Sydney and with whom they form a three-way triangle.
Chris, Kitty and Natalie have come to polyamory after being in monogamous relationships. Kitty was dissatisfied with the restrictions of dealing with multiple attractions in monogamous relationships. Chris was frustrated with keeping up ‘artificial barriers’ regarding the degree of intimacy with people outside his monogamous relationships whom he felt close to. His partnerships got strained whenever he did not ensure that 326barriers were maintained. Natalie formed a closer bond with Chris after a period of hooking up, in the full knowledge of his other relationships.
None believes in the romantic myth that only one person can make you happy. They reject the conventional marriage script, but speak of truly loving each other. They are committed to one other and would like to grow old together as a family. Of course, the open nature of their arrangement means that the constellation of this family may change. Kitty dreams of living in a house with a large family with maybe four or five adults (not all of whom may be primary partners) and a number of kids.
Kitty and Natalie hate it if their relationship is represented as a ‘patriarchal trap’ in which Chris (the only man in the current set up) is privileged by maintaining relationships with two women. They highlight that they, too, have other relationships and that rights and responsibilities are spread evenly within their relationship structure. Believing in the power of honesty and communication, they are all confident that they have found feasible ways of dealing with occasional instances of jealousy.
