ABSTRACT
The reciprocity arguments claim to capture something fundamental about human life, but it is questionable whether they are even relevant to a discussion of good loving relationships, the sort people's have in deep friendships and good families. In families, where equilibrium can be so precarious, social life so intense, and transactions so frequent, subtle and intimate, reciprocity has sweeping consequences. In marriages that are profound relationships, structural inequalities should be avoided, both in the initial and the prospective positions of the spouses, and the 'rules' should encourage reevaluation and renegotiation in conformity with reciprocity. Parental obligations of reciprocity arise only when the child enters the social life of the family, and continue as long as the child continues to participate in that social life. Effective equality is the concern here, and the structure of a marriage, its 'rules of resource usage', are an important element in deciding whether there is the necessary equality in resource distribution.
