ABSTRACT
Men’s frequent early detachment from, and unawareness of, their emotional closeness with others can be understood in Freudian terms as an effect of their fear as boys that were they to enjoy continuing emotional closeness with their mothers they might be punished with loss of their masculinity – their penis. Again and again men remember being urged not to express their distress about being detached from those to whom they are most attached on starting school. Barker draws attention to the frequency with which, having early learnt to ‘keep a stiff upper lip’ and to suppress their feelings, shell shocked officers in the First World War often stammered in stopping their feelings from showing. Winnicott insisted that the refusal of doctors to be put off by their feelings does not do their patients any good. He insisted that doctors must know about the feelings of their patients if they are to treat them effectively.
