ABSTRACT

Candid, first-hand accounts of couples who stay together despite highly emotional gender issues.

Head Over Heels gives voice to thirty ordinary women who live extraordinary lives as partners to crossdressers, transgenderists, and male-to-female transsexuals. These unique women discuss, with honesty and great candor, how they first learned of their partners’ gender issues, how they’ve coped with the emotions that followed, how they’ve dealt with concerns about privacy/secrecy, and how they’ve handled disclosure to children, friends, and family members. Far from a collection of “happily ever after” stories, these narratives are filled with pain, courage, curiosity, and joy as each woman struggles to redefine a relationship that includes intimacy, social acceptance, dignity, and respect.

The women whose stories are featured in Head Over Heels didn't know their partners were gender-variant when they first met. Some found out early on; others learned of their husbands' gender variance after decades of marriage. Some were told by their husbands—men they considered “regular guys;” others found out on their own, sometimes in shocking ways. Their stories represent a wide spectrum of women's life experiences with crossdressers, transgenderists, transsexuals who are nonoperative, pre-operative, and post-operative, families without children, families with children at home, and families with children who have left home. But these women share one thing in common: each has decided to stay in her relationship, exploring her new life with an open, yet cautious, heart.

Some of the voices heard in Head Over Heels:

  • “While putting my clothes on, I found a sales receipt on the bureau from K-Mart for shoes, a bra, and stockings. My immediate thought was that my husband had a girlfriend.”
  • “He dressed for me one night and it was the worst experience of both our lives. I was shocked and he knew it and that hurt him.”
  • “My siblings had been aware of Trish’s transsexualism for several years when she went full-time. They have told me that while I will always be welcome in their homes, Trish is not.”
  • “My husband may think differently, but I do have a sexual identity. Actually, I’m real clear about it—I am a woman and he is a man. I do not allow him to crossdress in the bedroom. I married a man; therefore, I will sleep with a man.”

Head Over Heels also includes historical and current information about resources and support for wives of gender-variant people, and a substantive introduction that includes basic information about sexual and gender identity and related issues.

chapter 1|14 pages

Introduction

chapter 2|7 pages

Transgender 101

part |188 pages

Partners' Stories and Commentaries

chapter 3|7 pages

Kate and Joe

chapter 4|6 pages

Sally and Mike

chapter 5|6 pages

Jo and Cameron/Clarice

chapter 6|4 pages

Shelly and Marv/Allie

chapter 7|9 pages

Bernadette and Gene

chapter 8|5 pages

Joan and Don/Lucy

chapter 9|4 pages

Julie and Dan/Diana

chapter 10|4 pages

Holly and Jack/Jackie

chapter 11|8 pages

Angie and Tommy/Charla

chapter 12|3 pages

Rita and Bill

chapter 13|12 pages

Leah and Frank/Franki

chapter 14|8 pages

Cheryl and Jeny/Marge, and Mark/Lora

chapter 15|4 pages

Katherine and Paul/Petra

chapter 16|3 pages

Celeste and Ed/Edy

chapter 17|9 pages

Nicole and Bob/Bobbi

chapter 18|6 pages

Ellen and Alfred

chapter 19|5 pages

Angelita and Tom/Theresa

chapter 20|7 pages

Melissa and Steve/Stephanie

chapter 21|6 pages

Sandy and Mandy (formerly Mark)

chapter 22|7 pages

Megan and Patrick/Trish

chapter 23|4 pages

Mary and Jim/Jan

chapter 24|7 pages

Gracie and Jane (formerly James)

chapter 25|4 pages

Sarah and Natalie (formerly Nathaniel)

chapter 26|6 pages

Bonk and Gwen

chapter 27|8 pages

Miriam and Linda (formerly Gregg)

chapter 28|4 pages

Kat and Anna (formerly Dave)

chapter 29|10 pages

Anne and Diane (formerly Dick)

chapter 30|5 pages

Judi and Mindy

chapter |4 pages

Conclusion