ABSTRACT
Mary describes her spouse as a male-to-female transsexual. She took the disclosure of gender variance well, but later felt rejected, humiliated, and depressed by her partner's disinterest in physical intimacy. She felt a sense of loss and distance and a yearning to be validated as a woman. Unlike Megan, who had no interest in relating sexually to Trish, Mary would be happy to maintain an erotic life with Jan, despite Jan's gender variance. No one outside the transgender community knows about Jan's transgender status. Mary is dealing with the widespread issue of disparity of sexual desire in her relationship due to Jan's low libido. Failed attempts to interest their gender-variant partners in physical intimacy often elicit feelings of rejection and humiliation in SOs. Similar to Mary, SOs often say that they need to feel attractive to their partners and desirable in order to validate themselves as women.
