ABSTRACT
Relationships derive energy from differences. Individuals choose to marry others who will fill in their gaps or who will be receptacles for disowned parts of themselves. Power struggles over gender differences are pervasive in distressed marriages. Although the spouses may not identify their struggle as related to gender, they will argue constantly about who should be more or less caring, self-reliant, emotional, or involved. Awareness that the partner does not share the spouse's values, view of the world, or coping style sometimes increases the experience of loneliness. Spouses are encouraged to engage in pro-social behavior to improve the relationship. The therapist may suggest that some of the partner's characteristics are based on fundamental gender or temperament characteristics that are unlikely to change. The therapist's role is often to help the wife accept her husband's autonomy and achievement orientation. The therapist may suggest that the wife is pursuing her needs through affiliation while her husband is pursuing his needs through achievement.
