ABSTRACT
STORIES WHICH BEGIN "A professor of mine in graduate school once said" are the most unwelcome ever told. They are worse than those which follow on "If you want my opinion" or "That reminds me of a time" or "I have a problem with that" or "Just let me say this" or "I don't want to spoil it for you by giving the plot away, but" or even "I never watch television but last night there was this show on PBS."
