chapter  9
15 Pages

Shaming and Feeling Shamed in Couple Therapy

Experiential exercises help the couple deactivate the autonomic nervous systems, unblend, view themselves differently, and try on new behaviors with the help of the therapist. As well as focusing on helping the couple understand their process and unburden their parts, Intimacy from the Inside Out (IFIO) creates relational experiences that support contact, connection and experiential learning. The willingness to try new behavior relies on protective parts unblending because inner differentiation leads not only to caring more effectively and kindly for one's own parts, but also to feeling more responsible toward others. When the couple achieves this willingness and proceeds to use new skills and have new experiences, the dynamic of their relationship will be changed both in the short and long term. The practice and repetition of skillful, effective behavior in our offices and eventually at home creates a storehouse of success that will lead to lasting change over time.