chapter  12
19 Pages

Repairing Relationship Rupture

In this chapter we discuss apology, repair and forgiveness in intimate relationships. All couples experience conflict around the feeling of betrayal at times. Some betrayals are the small, every day misdemeanors that come from misattunement. Others, like lying or having an affair, are big. Because many people do not apologize or forgive well, we explore beliefs about apology and what makes a repair feel authentic. Although we invite shamed and shaming parts home throughout IFIO, the couple is only ready to engage in repair when they can see each other as a resource rather than as the one who wounds or the redeemer. At that point, we can begin to talk about forgiveness and self-forgiveness, which will ultimately open the door for each partner to take responsibility for injurious behaviors, great and small.