ABSTRACT
The estrangement experience usually involves significant questioning and rumination, with some people becoming fixated upon finding an answer. Estranged family members regularly ask questions like ‘What went wrong?’ and ‘What caused this?’ They are likely to mull over a number of personalised hypotheses: ‘I reckon divorce has to have something to do with it, but maybe her bipolar made her this way’, as well as more universal ones: ‘This generation is so dismissive of their parents’, or ‘The war generation were never emotionally connected to their kids’. In reality, most estranged people know that there is no definitive answer to their question, but an answer appears to be the only possible cure to the pain that engulfs them. Sometimes an obsessive occupation with causation serves as a legitimate way for an estranged person to avoid a full engagement with a painful grieving process. However, there is no empirical evidence about the cause or causes of family estrangement. This chapter draws on a limited body of knowledge about, the likely and possible contributors to, family estrangement, but it is important to recognise that singular explanations are too simplistic to offer the answers to such a complex phenomenon. The chapter draws from available research, including individual studies of specific groups where estrangement has been reported (e.g. homeless men or lesbian women); qualitative studies specifically asking about the development of estrangement; and theories about estrangement. Some of these studies focus on attributions for family estrangement, or the ways that estranged individuals explain the development of estrangement. Again, it is important to understand that these studies do not offer clear evidence about the factors that cause estrangement, rather they offer insights into factors that possibly contribute. The chapter concludes with a practice section that encourages the reader or client to begin to situate their estrangement in context, through an examination of the intergenerational family and intergenerational and interpersonal stressors.
