ABSTRACT
This story begins with my own lived experience of stillbirth. It’s been 16 years since my twin boys, Tristan and Timothy, were born at 24 weeks’ gestation on a rainy January day in the summer of 1999. My little baby girl, Georgia Fawn, was stillborn at 24 weeks on Boxing Day of the same year. Several late-term miscarriages followed. When grief consumed me, I found it hard to find my own voice to speak of my needs or find practices or persons that might have given me comfort. I understand that when parents are faced with the truly heartbreaking news that their baby has died, the emotional turmoil and grief that follows can be overwhelming and difficult to come to terms with. These experiences triggered a long journey of grief, loss and healing for me. I know that many parents have similar experiences, yet their grief often is hidden and unshared outside of the family. The silence, associated with a pregnancy that has not unfolded with all the expected joy – whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, birth complications or newborn death – is tangible. The curtains are drawn on neonatal loss and nobody talks about that vacant nursery, or the profound grief. At least that is how I felt. In 2013, I began a PhD focused on writing down the sorrow associated with miscarriage, stillbirth and newborn death, to highlight the invisible stories that are associated with these losses, and to record the diverse journeys that parents undertake. I wanted to value and honour their stories, to help amplify their voices, and to encourage parents to share their narratives with a broader community. The methodology guiding the project is Organic Inquiry, a relatively new qualitative research methodology with an emphasis on transformative learning. As noted in the previous chapter of this volume, Organic Inquiry developed out of feminist theory, feminine spirituality and transpersonal psychology. The method used here involved the development of a series of writing workshops that supported participants to express creatively their pregnancy, stillbirth or newborn loss journeys through images and personal stories. This project was informed by a recognition of the cathartic and healing benefits of creative writing (Neimeyer, 2001; Seftel, 2006; Smyth & Pennebaker, 1999; Smyth, True & Souto, 2001; White & Epston, 1990). Continuing bonds
grief theory, art-based literary models and post-traumatic growth theory also informed the methods used here, helping to facilitate expression and give voice to the participants’ experiences, and cultivate transformative change, a core component of the organic inquiry methodology. In this chapter, I review the literature that informed my approach and discuss the common threads within the stories. The emerging findings from activities in the writing workshops highlighted that many participants develop symbolic associations when remembering their babies and loss. These associations commonly were identified as providing a source of comfort, closeness and connection. Natural elements as well as sensory triggers featured prominently among the symbolic associations parents often chose to represent their experience of grief, for example particular smells, colours, sounds, stars, the moon, rainbows, rain, wind, flowers, the ocean and shells. Participant choice and agency in the research participation processes is illuminated in this chapter, as is the potential for transformative change for participants, the researcher and readers. The project currently is a work in progress.
