ABSTRACT
This chapter addresses destructive, attacking, provocative name-calling and demeaning kinds of language and addresses the irony of a person attacking another in such a way when they are attempting to get that person to remain with them. In the process it describes general patterns in which people communicate with one another, typical ways in which they are self-defeating when relationships are threatened, gender differences with regard to communication styles, and how to strengthen relationships through better communication. It advocates teaching clients a modified phenomenological method in order to get to more observational language when communicating. It addresses perspective taking and paradoxical change.
