ABSTRACT
The need to belong to a group is a profound human need. Groupism is, of course, especially culturally salient in East Asia, and the chapter draws on the author’s research there to advocate a reanalysis of what promotes group solidarity. The individual/group tension cited by so many analysts is, in fact, a tension between one’s commitments to the family and group into which one is born, and the new family formed through marriage. Thus sex and love produce a conflict between “natal” and “affinal” families. This conflict is especially pronounced in East Asia, due to the presence of lineages, one of the most demanding among natal groups. But the conflict with in-laws is universal, and this points to the need to address the natal/affinal conflict to promote greater belongingness and less conflict between groups and group allegiances. The chapter discusses how marriage could be reconfigured so as to blunt the conflicts it usually produces. The author advocates that marriage be remade to focus on its essence: The establishment of a bond between two individuals that also binds their respective groups to each other. The chapter concludes with extensive and specific recommendations for how Utopia can promote groups that are not defined by opposition to other groups, thus reducing the toxicity of race and class allegiances, and the nation-state and war.
