ABSTRACT

Acceptance is a tricky word and in lay language it can sound like resignation or ‘putting up with’. Acceptance techniques need to be described as active choices, which is very different to passive resignation. The idea of Clean Pain versus Dirty Pain can be introduced to help the client discriminate more effectively to when acceptance can be applied. Clean Pain refers to the unavoidable pain of life that comes from loss, disappointment, and generally being a human who cares about things. Typically, turning towards a painful feeling can elicit thoughts that lead to Dirty Pain. Emotion invariably has something to say about what it is that matters to the client, and when struggle seems like the only option, the message is not always heard. As such, when doing acceptance work, it is necessary to support the client both to notice their mind at work, and make choices from a place of defusion rather than fusion.