ABSTRACT

The relationship becomes a secure base from which to explore the world and deal with the problems it presents and a safe haven that provides shelter and protection. Pragmatic instrumental concerns are no longer arenas for the couple’s emotional struggles. Issues become much simpler when they do not evoke attachment insecurities, power struggles, and battles over self and relationship definition. The atmosphere of safety and trust that has begun to develop fosters the exploration of issues, as well as the ability of each partner to stay engaged in the process of discussion. The couple spends less time and energy regulating their negative emotions and protecting their individual vulnerabilities. The process of addressing pragmatic issues more effectively often begins when the withdrawn partner re-engages and begins to take initiative in redefining the relationship. The therapist stresses that the changes that have been made belong to the couple and actively discourages the attribution of changes to his/her own knowledge and/or skill.