ABSTRACT
The attachment perspective and the framing of the incidents as relationship traumas helps the emotionally focused therapy therapist grasp them and move into helping the couple resolve them. Coders of therapy tapes from studies and supervision note that for forgiveness to occur, the inured party has to speak their pain and to have a felt sense that the injuring partner felt, was moved by and was visibly and obviously distressed by their pain. The concept of attachment injuries as relationship traumas has important implications for couple therapists. Affairs can be attachment injuries or they may not be; this depends on the context of the affair and the attachment significance assigned to it. Once the attachment injury is resolved, the therapist can more effectively foster the growth of trust and the beginning of positive cycles of bonding and reconciliation. This process defines the relationship as a safe haven, fostering the resolution of other difficulties and pragmatic problems.
