ABSTRACT
For people with addictions, this chapter spells out what is necessary to rebuild the trust back with family members and spouses. After years of hiding and lying to cover up addictive habits, you need to be reliable by doing what you say you’re going to do when you say you’re going to do it. There needs to be openness in the relationship, where a person is willing to accept feedback and share personal information with those they care about. Just like the addict wants everyone to accept him for who he is, most relatives and friends do not understand addiction. Therefore, radically accepting others even when we don’t agree with their behavior is a first step in having people accept you for who you are. Radical acceptance and non-judgment of others will help people with addictions change the way they act toward others and others will reciprocate. Finally, a person needs to be who they say they are, instead of wearing a mask and changing it with each person they meet. Recovery demands that we become more vulnerable and let people see our true selves, with all the warts and foibles we’ve experienced. When a person can walk the walk and talk the talk, practicing what he preaches, he sends a clear message that he can finally be trusted for who he is and relationships begin to change for the better. This chapter also teaches the DBT STOP skill.
