ABSTRACT
This chapter discusses not only the dance between a narcissist in a relationship with a borderline and other partners but also the dance between their psychodynamics. These dynamics include the conflicting emotions of guilt–shame, envy–jealousy, control–domination, submission–victimization, omnipotence–dependency, among others. According to Otto Kernberg and M. Lansky, narcissists are dominated more by guilt and borderlines more by shame. The superego demands for the narcissist are so demanding that instead of responding to the moral voices of the superego, they resort to projection and projective identification. Melanie Klein’s invaluable formulations of projective identification have been most useful for individual and couple therapy alike. Her introjective/projective process helps therapists decipher how certain behaviors and interactions get transported back and forth. Couple transference is to the couple what transference is to the individual. The notion of “couple/therapist” transference opens up an entirely new therapeutic vista or transitional space in which to work.
