ABSTRACT
Self-concepts are heavily laced with cultural values. With relationalism as the core of the Chinese frame of reference, it follows that Chinese selfhood – the sum of one’s perceptions, personality, judgments and personal boundaries – does not exist apart from relationships. Chinese psychologists postulate that the concept of relational selfhood consists of four basic relationships, which a person must learn to develop, understand and manage. These relationships are (1) between nature and self, (2) between others and self, (3) between me and myself, and (4) between the gods and self. In these relationships, “self” is the central base of control. In a highly stratified society like China, gender was unfairly differentiated and women’s inferiority and submissiveness to men became part of their self-identity. What helps the Chinese men and women navigate their complicated and sometimes conflicting relationships is a gauge called “the doctrine of reasonableness,” which allows readjustments to suit different situations as long as the players agree to it. Chinese children are taught the problem-solving techniques of reasonableness in their multigenerational setting. When they grow up, being reasonable and realistic is regarded by the Chinese as the “wisdom” of maturity and the sign of a well-developed selfhood.
