chapter  54
Rebellions Antidote: OR A DIALOGUE Between COFFEE and TEA.
Pages 2

Tea

ALL hail kind Friend sweet Balsom of our Age, What mean’st thou by such tragick Equipage?

Coffee

Welcome dear Sister, Basis of my Life, Better than Goodness, dearer than a Wife; 5 Forbear inquiring, lest thou force to rise Tears to a Deluge from my doleful Eyes, Such are my Plaints, and such my cruel Fate Tongue can’t express their too to Ridged State.

Tea

A Curse all Curses else below 10 On those who do produce thy Woe; Death, Hell and Vengeance on him fall Who makes thy Fate so Tragical.

Coffee

Merit on Merit, loe now I see A Life thou mayest command of me, 15 Command thy Pleasure, I’ll not Decline, Thy Goodness has oblieg’d me thine; And since as Dido thou command’st my Grief, I’ll with Aeneas sum up all in Brief.

Tea

All that I beg is but the Reason 20 What makes thy Visage out of Season.

Coffee

The Rage and Madness of the Nation Moves both my Heart and eke Compassion, Unto that height I cannot Force My Horrour to a mean Divorce, 25 Since all the World does now rely On Madness and Debauchery, Lewd and Distract to such a Strain As if invoking back again. Grim Chaos of accurst Confusion, 30 The product of our grand Delusion.

Tea

Truth without Error needs no Oath, All thou hast said is Naked Truth; Thus far th’art gone, but prethy tell, What ’Tis occasions Death and Hell? 35 Whence springs our Dolour, what’s the sourse That Operates this Hellish Curse.

Coffee

’Tis Wine and Ale and eke the Grape Has spawn’d this spurious bestial Rape; What is’t but these produce, what horrid Fact 40 But Wine and Ale and Beer will act; Death Hell and Judgement Hand in Hand With them and theirs do always stand; Rapes, Murders, Thefts, and thousand Crimes Are gender’d by foul Ale and Wines; 45 These are but Trifles to the Woe That Wine and Ale, and Beer can do; From whence unless from these do daily spring Rebellion, Treason, and Sham-ploting Sin; These Storm the Fort and let the Devil in. 50 Judge you th’Effect where Satan Rules as Chief, 165’Tis then too late to cry stop Thief, stop Thief.

Tea

In these Extreams there’s but one way I find, My Life for yours and that will Undermine The Devil himself, and give you all a Laughter, 55 T’expell his Vengeance by an holy Water, Allay the Billows of the flowing Rout, One Dish of Twist will force the Devil out.

Coffee

Tho’ hast hit the Pin, and Twist’s the Sovereign [Potion] To turn the Tide, reverse the Alewives Ocean. 60 Disgorge, God, Bacchus, and prepare a Stage Once more to entertain a Golden Age.

Tea

Thanks noble Sir for this Relation In order to Retaliation. I’ll force my Muse to such a height 65 I’ll thy deserv’d Acrostick Write.

C ome frantick Fools leave off your Drunken fits O bsequi[ou]s be and i’ll recall your Wits. F rom perfect Madness to a modest Strain. F or Farthings four I’ll fetch you back again. 70 E nable all your mene with tricks of State, E nter and Sip and then attend your Fate; Come Drunk or Sober for a gentle Fee, Come ne’r so Mad i’ll your Physician be.