ABSTRACT
Common core beliefs If you let someone get close, they’ll overwhelm you, control you, drain you or take from you in some way Close relationships mean loss of freedom and feeling trapped To be safe in intimate relationships you have be in control, not let them control you Intimate relationships mean so many emotional demands Closeness always carries obligations and pressures The more you give, the more they’ll want Common fears Loss of self Feelings of powerlessness or helplessness Engulfment; being taken over or overwhelmed No escape routes or means of escape; nowhere to hide Your expressions of affection being taken as an invitation for the other person to move forward or intrude Insatiable demands that drain you or suck you dry Feeling used Behaviour that contributes to fears being realised (as it can provoke the other person to pursue, attack, demand or criticise) Being secretive or withholding Being tight or mean with shows of affection Primitive modes of flight or withdrawal Reacting to requests as if they were demands Frequently just not being there emotionally or in actuality Staying silent Common vocabulary and sentiment ‘I need more space’ ‘Tied down’ ‘No room’ ‘Trapped’
