ABSTRACT
For children whose low self-worth has resulted from just too much shame, anger and discouragement from other people, therapy can enable them to experience, on an ongoing basis, a compassionate rather than a negative response. Therapy can enable shamed children to understand what shame is and to know what is happening to them when they are feeling shamed, rather than having that awful feeling in their tummy and terrible pain of descending into a black hole. In the safe environment of therapy, children feel enough trust to dare again to express feelings and needs, which in the past have only led them to feeling unheard, rejected, frightened or criticised. If a child has been shamed and never receives counselling or psychotherapy, or never finds a powerfully encouraging attachment figure, the scars from shame can continue for a lifetime. The child has realised that the parent is too emotionally fragile or volatile for him to be able to have his feelings.
