ABSTRACT
The myth of excessive fragility is the belief that you cannot ever really be yourself, say what you really feel, because people are not emotionally strong enough to take it. If you were to get angry or assert your needs or opinions, the belief is that the other person would fall apart in some way or move into some kind of volcanic anger. This myth frequently originates from a childhood where a parent was so emotionally volatile that the child learnt to protect both the parent and themselves. The child usually does this by ensuring that they have only ‘nice’ feelings all the time. Hence they develop what is known as ‘a false self’ (Winnicott, 1964). This often develops over time after the child has repeatedly witnessed the parent breaking down in some way (known as collapsive) or frightening modes of control (known as retaliative), when the child showed anything other than compliance and obedience. Often the whole family walks on eggshells around such a parent.
