ABSTRACT
You come home from work to find your wife sitting on the couch.‘What's up?’ you ask suspiciously. ‘I've decided to tell you something I've never told you before, at least not directly.’ ‘What's that?’ ‘All these years I've resented you, envied you, and had contempt for you, but instead of telling you directly, I've been torturing you.’ ‘I torture you with demands.’ ‘I torture you by defying you.’ ‘I torture you by rejecting you sexually.’ ‘I torture you by putting you down as a man.’ ‘I torture you by making you feel as though all my misery is your fault.’ (Schoenewolf, 1991)
couples stay together for this reason: the marriage gives them the opportunity to experience hate, quarrels, sadism, and submission. They stay together not in spite of their fights, but because of them’ (Fromm, 1973).
