ABSTRACT
Objective Many people who love someone who isn’t good at loving fall into the same trap. They try so hard to awaken the love in the other by all manner of self-sacrifice, over-generous acts, compliance and over-tolerance. Sadly, this process often results in them putting their own development on hold. In relentless attempts to awaken love in the other person, they can unwittingly enter into a life of emotional deprivation. Furthermore, in a desperate attempt to please, they may stifle those aspects of themselves which the other person criticises and attacks, e.g. their passion, drives, dreams, ambitions. Another common pitfall is to be over-cheerful, in an attempt to compensate for the life and joy that may be lacking in the other person, or in the relationship generally. Yet all this tends to bring just more and more defeat and disappointment. They keep coming up against the restrictions that the other person places on love and intimacy, which prevent the relationship from becoming in any way emotionally nourishing.
