ABSTRACT
Although counsellors in private practice are less inclined to get into arguments with their clients over principles, or the rights and wrongs of behaviour, it still happens. When it does, it invariably affects the relationship adversely, whether in the short term or longer term. The worst kind of arguments are the power struggles that emerge occasionally, in which someone 'wins' and someone 'loses'. Actually, when building and maintaining good relationships, nobody wins. 'Boss managing' is the opposite of 'lead managing', which is one of the suggested 'do's' for creating more effective relationships. Most counsellors recognise that inducing fear is ineffective and does not increase perceptions of self-worth. Fear prevents learning and effective decision making, generates less than optimum performance, destroys relationships and impedes the effective fulfilment of 'quality worlds'. It is important to emphasise that the 'do's' and the 'don'ts' are suggested guidelines and not rigid 'must do's', to create a fair, firm, friendly and trusting counselling relationship.
