ABSTRACT
ThefirsttwoyearsIspentinCambridgewasinstudyingandinmuchneglectof GodandprivateprayerwhichIhadsometimeused,andIdidnotregardtheLordat allunlessitwereatsomefits.Thethirdyear...Ibegantobefoolishandproudand toshowmyselfinthepublicschools,andtheretobeadisputeraboutthingswhich nowIseeIdidnotknowthenatallbutonlypratedaboutthem.Andtowardtheend ofthisyearwhenIwasmostvile(afterIhadbeennextuntothegatesofdeathby thesmallpoxtheyearbefore)theLordbegantocallmehometothefellowshipof hisgrace,whichwasinthismanner:
(1)IdorememberthatIhadmanygoodaffections(butblindandunconstant)oft castintomesincemyfather'ssicknessbythespiritofGodwrestlingwithme,and henceIwouldprayinsecret,andhencewhenIwasatCambridgeIheardoldDr ChadertontheMasteroftheCollegewhenIcame;andthefirstyearIwasthere,to hearhimuponasacramentday,myheartwasmuchaffectedbutIdidbreakloose fromtheLordagain.AndhalfayearafterIheardMrDickinson...inthechapel uponthosewords,'Iwillnotdestroyitforten'ssake'(Genesis18:32),andthen againwasmuchaffected,butIshookthisoffalsoandfellfromGodtolooseand lewdcompanytolustandprideandgamingandbowlinganddrinking.Andyetthe Lordleftmenotbutagodlyscholarwalkingwithme,felltodiscourseaboutthe miseryofeverymanoutofChrist,viz.thatwhatevertheydidwassin;andthisdid muchaffectme.AndatanothertimewhenIdidlightingodlycompanyIheard themdiscourseaboutthewrathofGod,andtheterrorofitandhowintolerableit was,whichtheydidpresentbyfire:howintolerablethetormentofthatwasfora
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time-whatthenwouldeternitybe.Andthisdidmuchawakenme,andIbeganto prayagain.
