ABSTRACT
We are told that 'it's selfish,' the way we live, because we only see the best in each other. It's true, greater attention is given to the other in the way we structure our couple because we don't have to see each other, it' s not imposed by an external force. Being at home making dinner for a companion who is going to arrive at 9:00 after she gets off work is like preparing to receive a guest. We invite each other over and that forces us to make an effort, which is the source of that impression that we only see each other at our best. For example, we never clean house in front of each other. (JM: male, 54, divorced)
In this type of relationship there is a negation of the unconditional devotion to others. Personal autonomy does not exclude the creation of emotional ties, but we exclude ourselves from the societal model in which the self is only born in a relationship with someone else:
What I appreciate in him is that he respects my solitude, my need for silence when we walk. (I: female, 27)
The absence of limitations associated with cohabitation appears to be an advantage, validated as a basic element of sentimental autonomy. This does not mean that being single is positively viewed; rather, the interdependency associated with love on a daily basis is rejected.
