chapter  8
What Makes Parents Controlling: Pressure From Within
Pages 20

A particular challenge of mine in the last few years has been to understand how parents can sometimes become “hooked” into focusing on their children’s performance. Part of my reason for becoming interested in this issue is my own experience with my two daughters. Although I strongly believe in supporting children’s autonomy-and had planned to always do so-I realize that it is surprisingly difficult to keep my own ego out of their activities. I find myself, for example, paying a bit too much attention to my daughter’s times at her swim meets (and wanting to know what times the other children got). We sometimes fall into battles about making homework neat, as if the homework were mine and not hers. I discover that I am more concerned about my children having friends and being popular than I thought I would be. I worry that my daughters may not be the most sought after of their peers.