ABSTRACT

“We have earned a certain place in each other’s lives, and in the best of times we can rest on what we have made together.”

Lesbian Ex-Lovers: The Really Long-Term Relationships examines the need for the development of better understanding and more critical analysis of lesbian ex-lover relationships. This eye-opening look into the minds and hearts of women offers personal insight into the possibilities for and potential pitfalls of lesbian ex-lover relations. This book contains personal stories, fictional accounts, poetry, and theoretical analyses of the frequency and significance of ex-lovers at different stages in a relationship.

Topics of interest in Lesbian Ex-Lovers include:

  • the roles ex-lovers play in our lives
  • ex-lovers as contexts for change and development
  • how we continue to be influenced by ex-lovers
  • letting go and moving on
  • ex-lovers as current friends and family
  • themes of betrayal and loss of faith
  • reconstructing friendships and community
  • the mystique of the ex-lover
  • friend/family connections among lesbian ex-lovers
“Rather than totally scrap a relationship, we recycle it—from lover to ex-lover to friend in a relatively short half-life.”

Lesbian Ex-Lovers is the only book in print that explores how a lesbian’s ex-lovers impact her subsequent romances and lifestyle. This special collection adds a new dynamic to the current literature for and about the lesbian community.

Lesbian Ex-Lovers offers advice, anecdotes, and interpretations from such authors, poetesses, and artists as:
  • Michelle Gibson, PhD—educator and editor of Femme/Butch: New Considerations of the Way We Want to Go— who says goodbye to her lover in a sad, passionate elegy
  • Marny Hall—Psychotherapist, editor of the anthology Sexualities, and author of several books, including The Lavender Couch: A Consumer’s Guide to Psychotherapy for Lesbians and Gay Men—who muses on the unique bonding between lesbians and their ex-lovers, lending a mystique that surrounds the lesbian lifestyle
  • Alison Bechdel—creator of the comic strip Dykes to Watch Out For—who presents a humorous comic strip thanking her former lovers for teaching her about herself
  • Jane Futcher—newspaper reporter and author of three novels—who uses a chapter in her novel to illustrate the tensions that can occur when ex-lovers choose to remain friends, especially when those bonds provoke jealousy in both current and ex-lovers
  • Renny Christopher—educator and award-winning poetess—who expresses her love, loss, and regret in three poems about her ex-lover
  • and much more!

part |8 pages

Introduction

chapter |8 pages

Lesbian Ex-Lover Relationships

Under-Estimated, Under-Theorized and Under-Valued?

part |25 pages

“The Changer and the Changed”

chapter |5 pages

In My Dream

My Ex-Lovers' Unconventional Convention

part |47 pages

Moving Costs

part |31 pages

Too Much Tsoras? the High Costs of Maintaining Ties

chapter |3 pages

Lost Love

chapter |12 pages

Leaving Liza

chapter |3 pages

Lesbian Ex-Lovers by the Numbers

A Reflective but Not Contemplative Love Poem of Sorts

part |44 pages

Not Lovers But Not “Just Friends”

part |80 pages

Theoretical Reflections

chapter |6 pages

Consummated Friends and Ex-Wives

Two Types of Lesbian Ex-Lovers

chapter |12 pages

When Three's a Crowd

Ex-Lovers and Lesbian Families in 2 Girls in Love

chapter |16 pages

Making the Transition

Understanding the Longevity of Lesbian Relationships

chapter |46 pages

Lesbian FLEX-ibility

Friend and/or Family Connections Among Lesbian Ex-Lovers

part |8 pages

Afterword